A Real Knockout
by general zargon
Summary: Alito was a REALLY good gladiator, as the other Barian Emperors are reminded. Rated M for certain topics and curse words.


As Shark aka Nash, leader of the Seven Barian Emperors, stared down at the blank piece of paper in front of him, he honestly found himself wondering just how he'd managed to get into this situation.

It had started simply enough, he recalled, but of course when Vector was involved nothing stayed simple for long. Somehow or another (Shark couldn't really remember how they'd gotten onto the topic), while all seven of them had been lounging around his living room, the conversation had turned to their sexual exploits. More specifically how many people they'd slept with while they were alive the first time, and that had led to Vector bragging that obviously he had the most experience since he'd been a king, albeit an insane one, and Shark hadn't been able to resist commenting that he'd also been a king, and well...from there things got a little crazy.

Girag and Mizar had been dragged into the argument, then Alito had taken it upon himself to defend his own prowess in that arena, then somehow Dumon had gotten involved and it had turned into one big mess. The only one who hadn't been sucked into a glorified '_I've slept with more people than you!_' contest was Rio, who had freely admitted that she'd been a virgin when she'd died the first time ("I was a priestess! Purity was really important back then for that line of work!") and still was. Before things had degenerated into fights and/or duels - which was a very real possibility with this group, Shark had put his foot down, gently removed (i.e. tossed) his sister from the room, and suggested a better way to settle the argument.

Which was how all six of them found themselves sitting around a somehow-intact coffee table, pads of paper in their hands, and an awkward silence hovering around them. The solution Shark had come up with had seemed perfect: they'd each get a pad of paper and write down the number of people they remembered sleeping with from their human lives, and they had to be honest too, because they were writing on pads of paper so no one could peek at what they wrote and therefore change their answers to a greater number. So far no one had written anything, as they were wracking their brains trying to remember how many bedmates they'd had.

After a minute, Alito looked up with a slight blush on his face, looking a bit embarrassed as he asked, "Um, are we counting the repeats? You know, people we slept with more than once?"

The other Barians had thoughtful looks on their faces before Shark decided, "No, because we're counting how many people we slept with, not how many times we slept with them." Alito nodded thoughtfully, looking down at his pad before quickly writing something, and as if that clarification was the signal, everyone else wrote something too. Shark was the last to write his number down, and then took a deep breath before announcing, "Alright, on three we turn the pads around and show the numbers, got it?" Nods from around the table, and the dark blue-haired man began counting, "One...two...THREE!" Rustling as they all turned their pads around so everyone could see what the others had written, and a heavy silence surrounded them as they all read the revealed numbers.

Dumon had written 46.

Girag had 39.

Mizar a measly 27.

Vector proudly displayed his pad, which had a large 78 on it.

Shark mentally groaned as he saw the moment Vector saw the number he'd written: a 93.

But what stopped everyone cold was when their eyes landed on Alito's pad, the Barian himself looking entirely oblivious to the looks of shock on his comrades faces when they read and re-read the number 473 written clearly on the boxing duelist's notepad.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Vector practically screamed, jumping up and pointing an accusing finger at Alito, who scrambled to his feet and looked unsure whether he should get into a fighting stance or make a run for it.

"As much as it pains me, Alito, I have to agree with Vector: how the hell did you manage to sleep with so many people?" Dumon looked rather disheveled, which was his version of completely freaking out, and the fact that the ex-knight had cursed was also worth taking a moment to note.

The dark-skinned Barian grinned, relaxing a bit as he shrugged and said, "I was a _really_ good gladiator." before he turned and practically skipped out of the room, looking pleased at having won the unofficial contest, and he decided that he should go tell Yuma that he'd won.

It took Shark almost a half-hour, the entire time he spent tuning out Vector's rant about how Alito must have just written down a random number and ignoring everyone else's stunned expressions, before he managed to puzzle out what Alito's parting remark had meant. It was remembering one of the things that they'd studied in history class that gave him the answer, which he would never, ever admit to anyone: In class when they'd studied ancient Sparta, more specifically gladiators, the teacher had told them the better a gladiator was, the more he was rewarded with favor, better living conditions, and other prizes. It was also, the teacher had slipped in, common practice for nobles and the upper class to pay for the privilege of sleeping with gladiators. And Alito had been undefeated (save for one loss) when he'd been a gladiator...

Shark wanted to slap himself, but instead he let out a snort of laughter, which was lost in the noise from Vector's rant, then froze as a question slid through his mind:

'_What would Alito's number have been if we were counting sleeping with the same person more than once?_'

He had to pause for a moment to think, and then he decided - firmly - that he really didn't want to know.

* * *

_Author's Note: Okay, I admit it, this was pure and utter crack. I just had to get this written in order to clear out a plot bunny. 1 down, about 5 more to go before I can get back to what I should be working on. *Falls over with swirly eyes* This was my first time writing any Zexal characters, so please go easy on me! As always, constructive criticism is welcome!_


End file.
